This past weekend my roommate and I caravanned down to our college town for an annual celebration of our namesake/(depending on who's spinning it) founder. (Seriously, not using names is just getting harder and harder.) I probably had a lot of fun, but I will need to check photos to confirm. I did walk away from the weekend with a scraped foot and knee, a massive bruise on my thigh (same leg), and--this just in!--a burst blood vessel in my eye that makes me look like one of the damned. For the record, heels + ice + chardonnay = failure^1,000,000,000. It's kind of a miracle I walked away from the weekend at all.
The best part about this annual celebration of our namesake/(depending on who's spinning it) founder is that it's sort of a prom-meets-homecoming vibe. Giant dance, live music, the occasional poofy dress, and a whole lot of alumni who just really really want to be back on campus for a bit. I saw people I hadn't even glanced at since freshman year, but because everyone was so inebr-- um, excited to be back-- I had very animated conversations catching up with people I had really never spoken to. (I also learned a lot about people's wedding plans. That was actually pretty funny.) Conversely, the night was such a blur that I missed out on seeing a lot of people who I specifically wanted to see. (Hi, everyone! See you next February?) Oh, well.
I write now from my parents' house in Maryland, where I am hanging out until... TBD. I don't have any plans until Friday, when I actually have to do things for both jobs. The morning is dedicated to interviewing a seasoned interviewer who can give me pointers, and in the afternoon I start my new retail job. (If this is anything like the seventy billion other retail jobs I've had, I will spend the night staring at a computer in the back room learning about loss prevention and the importance of clocking in and out on time.) I'm actually really excited for this job. I miss people. I haven't really met anyone new since moving, so this will put me out there and get me talking to people who don't have a cluster B personality disorder. Plus, I get to look at pretty clothes all day! (Please don't let me purchase the pretty clothes.)
And, in my remaining free time, I have adopted a new (and completely dorky) hobby. I'm trying to create my own crossword puzzle. Right now I'm working on a completely lame HIMYM-inspired one to entertain my roommate at work. However, I do have some ideas for more universal themes that I'd like to try. If I don't rip my hair out trying, perhaps I can post a finished product. (In my head, that sentence ended with an exclamation point, but I realized that the world might not be ready for my enthusiasm.)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Working Girl
I am now nearly trained as an interviewer! I have my work-issued laptop, intelligence test, and spit collectors. Um, yeah... I have to collect the participants' saliva. Obviously I am thrilled and not at all disgusted by this. I'm supposed to practice interviewing people I know to get comfortable with the questions. My family thinks I'm visiting in a few days to celebrate my sister's birthday, enjoy their company, blah blah blah... Little do they know that they will be my guinea pigs. (jk, Mom! I can multitask. I'll tell you all about my wonderful life as I ask you to spit. jk again! You don't have to spit! But I do need to learn about your sexual history. On second thought, let's just go shopping, okay?) [If anyone sees my mom, please pass along the message. I don't think she reads my blog. It's cool, I love her anyway.] My favorite part of the job? My supervisor specifically told me to dress conservatively and to never wear skirts or dresses. Subtext? Don't be pretty. If I don't feel like doing my hair or makeup? No problem! Nothing to wear? Just throw on a sweatshirt! The less attractive I am, the less likely I am to get unwanted attention from the crazies.
I did score another part-time job, this one in retail. For this one I have to dress up. And accessorize. No, seriously, during the interview they mentioned the importance of accessorizing. I really hope I don't get confused about where I'm supposed to be and when.
I did score another part-time job, this one in retail. For this one I have to dress up. And accessorize. No, seriously, during the interview they mentioned the importance of accessorizing. I really hope I don't get confused about where I'm supposed to be and when.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Getting Oriented
Monday I had orientation for my new part time job as an interviewer. I won't even go into the intense amount of effort it took for me to get to the orientation following the storm of the century. Suffice it to say that the commute to and from work was a harrowing tale that will make you question your faith in humanity; I woke up at 5 a.m. hating the snow and went to bed at 10 p.m. loathing the snow. (I also avoid the topic of Superbowl disappointment. As I'm sure you know, my eventual husband-to-be Peyton Manning fought valiantly, but was bested by New Orleans. I hope the NOLA residents are happy with their smug satisfaction and their life-changing beignets and their stupid voodoo shops. Mostly I'm worried that the Colts' defeat means I'll never see this again. For the record, I hate both Tom Brady and the circus.)
Orientation itself was... well, it was a pretty typical orientation. There never is much diversity in company orientations, is there? That is why I would like to suggest a new format for "Beginnings," which, as it turns out, is a completely serious, un-ironic title for my new employer's orientation process. (They also refer to career paths as "journeys." Completely seriously.) The way I see it, if all orientations wind up being exactly the same no matter what, they may as well streamline the process. I now present to you my new money-making venture.
Orientation itself was... well, it was a pretty typical orientation. There never is much diversity in company orientations, is there? That is why I would like to suggest a new format for "Beginnings," which, as it turns out, is a completely serious, un-ironic title for my new employer's orientation process. (They also refer to career paths as "journeys." Completely seriously.) The way I see it, if all orientations wind up being exactly the same no matter what, they may as well streamline the process. I now present to you my new money-making venture.
Journeys in the Orient(ation): Your Toolkit to Working at [insert company name here]!
Welcome! We're glad you decided to join our team at [company name]! We think you'll find your journey with us to be long and rewarding. Before you start, we'd just like to familiarize you with some of our values and ideals. In no time you'll be a valuable member of our team!
Promoting an image of professionalism is very important to us. Look in your employee manual for guidelines for your specific position, but here are helpful videos with some general guidelines for the dress code:
Promoting an image of professionalism is very important to us. Look in your employee manual for guidelines for your specific position, but here are helpful videos with some general guidelines for the dress code:
Saturday, February 6, 2010
The Yips
This past week was fairly productive, albeit in a slightly soul-crushing sort of way.
I have a "casual" part-time job interviewing participants for a longitudinal study on anti-social personality disorder. Basically, when they need someone they call me and I say whether or not I can go. It will keep me solvent until I find something steady, and once I find something steady it will pay my bar tab. Win-win-win, right?
I interviewed for this job a few weeks ago, and although I knew on the spot that I had it (I'll be honest, the "interview" was mostly me asking questions about the study from a man who told me, in nicer language, that any idiot can do this job) it took until the end of last week for me to officially get the offer because of the fifty billion background checks they have to do. And when the job offer finally came in, I was told that the offer was contingent on the results of a physical, as well as Act 33 and FBI clearances. The latter two I knew about well in advance, and I've stopped pondering why a girl who will be hanging out with some violent criminals needs to gets fingerprinted, but a physical? Really? So on Groundhog Day (the adorable lady who set up my fingerprinting and physical appointments was very excited that I would have such a full schedule on that day) I drove into Oakland and got poked and prodded into submission. The best part? They gave me a TB test, so I had to drive back yesterday and pay $3 for parking just to lift my sleeve up and show them I probably wasn't going to die any time soon. And I need to go back twice more for yet another TB test. Do people even get TB anymore? Come on.
Monday I go to orientation, which will last eight hours and will cover a lot of stuff that doesn't apply to my job, but I get free food and a paycheck. Slight loss-win-win! And Wednesday I begin my specific training so I know how to react when a thirty-something year old male tells me about a violent crime he committed. (Not joking, my supervisor told me that stuff like that comes up.) I'm actually pretty excited for this job a) because it's a job, and b) because, if nothing else, I think it will be a learning experience, and those are good, right?
Yesterday I also interviewed for a research job at a local college. The job would be teaching participants how to use a computer program, and then administering pre and post cognitive tests. However, considering that I sounded like a babbling idiot during the interview, I'm thinking she'll choose one of the five other people she was meeting with. I have no idea what's wrong with me; it's like I have the yips. I did the same thing during a retail interview last week. I know how I want to respond, and in my head it's always brilliant (or at least passing for human speech), but as soon as I open my mouth it all falls apart. But, hey, who needs steady employment anyway? I've already seen my future, and it involves fluffer nutter!
I have a "casual" part-time job interviewing participants for a longitudinal study on anti-social personality disorder. Basically, when they need someone they call me and I say whether or not I can go. It will keep me solvent until I find something steady, and once I find something steady it will pay my bar tab. Win-win-win, right?
I interviewed for this job a few weeks ago, and although I knew on the spot that I had it (I'll be honest, the "interview" was mostly me asking questions about the study from a man who told me, in nicer language, that any idiot can do this job) it took until the end of last week for me to officially get the offer because of the fifty billion background checks they have to do. And when the job offer finally came in, I was told that the offer was contingent on the results of a physical, as well as Act 33 and FBI clearances. The latter two I knew about well in advance, and I've stopped pondering why a girl who will be hanging out with some violent criminals needs to gets fingerprinted, but a physical? Really? So on Groundhog Day (the adorable lady who set up my fingerprinting and physical appointments was very excited that I would have such a full schedule on that day) I drove into Oakland and got poked and prodded into submission. The best part? They gave me a TB test, so I had to drive back yesterday and pay $3 for parking just to lift my sleeve up and show them I probably wasn't going to die any time soon. And I need to go back twice more for yet another TB test. Do people even get TB anymore? Come on.
Monday I go to orientation, which will last eight hours and will cover a lot of stuff that doesn't apply to my job, but I get free food and a paycheck. Slight loss-win-win! And Wednesday I begin my specific training so I know how to react when a thirty-something year old male tells me about a violent crime he committed. (Not joking, my supervisor told me that stuff like that comes up.) I'm actually pretty excited for this job a) because it's a job, and b) because, if nothing else, I think it will be a learning experience, and those are good, right?
Yesterday I also interviewed for a research job at a local college. The job would be teaching participants how to use a computer program, and then administering pre and post cognitive tests. However, considering that I sounded like a babbling idiot during the interview, I'm thinking she'll choose one of the five other people she was meeting with. I have no idea what's wrong with me; it's like I have the yips. I did the same thing during a retail interview last week. I know how I want to respond, and in my head it's always brilliant (or at least passing for human speech), but as soon as I open my mouth it all falls apart. But, hey, who needs steady employment anyway? I've already seen my future, and it involves fluffer nutter!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Heinz
It's been a while. Please accept my profuse apologies and deepest shame. Let's catch up.
Employment status: Who even knows at this point.
Application status: Yup, still have a bunch of those out there.
Reading status: Four books completed! After Jonathan Franzen I read Werewolves in Their Youth by Michael Chabon (the author of Wonder Boys, which is an amazing book that I highly recommend) and Little Women. I somehow went 22 years of my life without reading Little Women, and I'm glad it was finally remedied. The disadvantage was that I could only picture Winona Ryder as Jo, which I was definitely not okay with. This morning I started The Kite Runner and am more than halfway through. I think I will run out of space on my chalkboard.
Rule status: I am not allowing myself to read Pride and Prejudice (which I have read roughly seven billion times) or Sense and Sensibility (which I have read roughly six and a half billion times) this year. It's time to take a break. In a year I'll be able to appreciate them with fresh eyes. I am also trying not to read any books I've read before, but I give myself more leeway with this rule. It's only two weeks in; I may need to be flexible later on.
Pittsburgh status: I can officially drive to the giant commercial shopping mecca, The Waterfront, without my GPS. I have also been able to drive back from random places without looking at my GPS. However, I still have no idea where I'm going half the time. But, in exciting news, Keri used some of her Xmas money to purchase a museum membership for us, so we can go to 4 museums whenever we want for free! We've used it twice this week.
Reliving college status: The boyfriend was in town for a bit, and Keri and I dragged him to trivia, which was an honored and joyful tradition during our senior year. It was a very different venue, and there were roughly twice as many teams as we were used to playing, but the familiarity was comforting. We also failed miserably, so if anyone is in the Pittsburgh area and knows a lot about a lot of random crap, please get in touch. Sports are the weak part of our game. (Although the two questions that were sort of my area of expertise I still got wrong... I brought shame to myself and to the memory of the Dirty Washingtons. I'm so sorry.)
Computer status: Guess whose hard drive failed? Poor Pemberley. (Yes, I named my computer Pemberley. I don't care how lame that is.) Thank goodness for warranties and free repairs from Apple. However, I felt completely dirty and commercial in the store. The employees were very polite and made a big point of calling each customer by name. Personally, I hate it when companies try to mask the impersonal corporate structure with gimmicks like that. At least in an impersonal situation the customer can be anonymous if desired. I hate the patronizingly soothing tone of someone two years younger than me explaining, "Okay, Allison, now we're going to do a system check and see if..." Perhaps some of my discomfort stemmed from another employee asking me if I was back at school.
Me: No, I graduated last spring.
Him: Congratulations! How's life?
Me: (not as convincingly as I would like) Good!
Him: (awkward pause) Good. So Allison, the system check is showing...
That being said, I still love you, Mac. I hope Pemberley and I have a long and happy life together, even if it does mean I need to trade forced pleasantries with disenchanted Apple employees every so often.
So that's life. You have no idea how much I wish there were more thrilling adventures to report. I feel like I'm finally starting to hit my stride in terms of Pittsburgh adaptation (conveniently this happens days after the boyfriend visits and I fail at showing him around), so maybe sometime soon I can regale you with stories about the South Side or casually throw a "yinz" into the blog.
Okay, if I start saying "yinz," you have my permission to stop reading.
Employment status: Who even knows at this point.
Application status: Yup, still have a bunch of those out there.
Reading status: Four books completed! After Jonathan Franzen I read Werewolves in Their Youth by Michael Chabon (the author of Wonder Boys, which is an amazing book that I highly recommend) and Little Women. I somehow went 22 years of my life without reading Little Women, and I'm glad it was finally remedied. The disadvantage was that I could only picture Winona Ryder as Jo, which I was definitely not okay with. This morning I started The Kite Runner and am more than halfway through. I think I will run out of space on my chalkboard.
Rule status: I am not allowing myself to read Pride and Prejudice (which I have read roughly seven billion times) or Sense and Sensibility (which I have read roughly six and a half billion times) this year. It's time to take a break. In a year I'll be able to appreciate them with fresh eyes. I am also trying not to read any books I've read before, but I give myself more leeway with this rule. It's only two weeks in; I may need to be flexible later on.
Pittsburgh status: I can officially drive to the giant commercial shopping mecca, The Waterfront, without my GPS. I have also been able to drive back from random places without looking at my GPS. However, I still have no idea where I'm going half the time. But, in exciting news, Keri used some of her Xmas money to purchase a museum membership for us, so we can go to 4 museums whenever we want for free! We've used it twice this week.
Reliving college status: The boyfriend was in town for a bit, and Keri and I dragged him to trivia, which was an honored and joyful tradition during our senior year. It was a very different venue, and there were roughly twice as many teams as we were used to playing, but the familiarity was comforting. We also failed miserably, so if anyone is in the Pittsburgh area and knows a lot about a lot of random crap, please get in touch. Sports are the weak part of our game. (Although the two questions that were sort of my area of expertise I still got wrong... I brought shame to myself and to the memory of the Dirty Washingtons. I'm so sorry.)
Computer status: Guess whose hard drive failed? Poor Pemberley. (Yes, I named my computer Pemberley. I don't care how lame that is.) Thank goodness for warranties and free repairs from Apple. However, I felt completely dirty and commercial in the store. The employees were very polite and made a big point of calling each customer by name. Personally, I hate it when companies try to mask the impersonal corporate structure with gimmicks like that. At least in an impersonal situation the customer can be anonymous if desired. I hate the patronizingly soothing tone of someone two years younger than me explaining, "Okay, Allison, now we're going to do a system check and see if..." Perhaps some of my discomfort stemmed from another employee asking me if I was back at school.
Me: No, I graduated last spring.
Him: Congratulations! How's life?
Me: (not as convincingly as I would like) Good!
Him: (awkward pause) Good. So Allison, the system check is showing...
That being said, I still love you, Mac. I hope Pemberley and I have a long and happy life together, even if it does mean I need to trade forced pleasantries with disenchanted Apple employees every so often.
So that's life. You have no idea how much I wish there were more thrilling adventures to report. I feel like I'm finally starting to hit my stride in terms of Pittsburgh adaptation (conveniently this happens days after the boyfriend visits and I fail at showing him around), so maybe sometime soon I can regale you with stories about the South Side or casually throw a "yinz" into the blog.
Okay, if I start saying "yinz," you have my permission to stop reading.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Growing a spine
I had an interview for a retail job. And then a second interview. Today I got a form email telling me they couldn't offer me a position. Although I was never madly in love with the idea of this job, it is somewhat disconcerting that I couldn't even land a retail position that I have essentially had a billion times before.
Fortunately, right below "find a totally awesome job," I have written "read a book a week" on my list of goals. And that is going splendidly. Not only have I finished Eat Pray Love, but I am more than halfway through How to Be Alone, a book of essays by Jonathan Franzen.
Final verdict on EPL? A good book to start the new year. Originally I was annoyed by Liz. Admittedly, she was going through some rough times, but part of me wanted to scream "Snap out of it!" every time she got mopey about her relationships. (Just because you love someone doesn't preclude them from falling into the "rebound" category.) I thought the structure of the book was interesting (109 mini chapters to represent Indian prayer beads, or japa malas... sorry, I just typed out that explanation and realized that everyone on the planet has read this book already), but the "beads" got repetitive. Quickly. Along the way I realized that I didn't dislike Liz (although "like" would be too strong a word), but then the ending... *spoiler alert* I'm sorry, but do not make me read 300 pages of this amazing adventure that you had just to end it with "and then I fell in love with this awesome Brazilian right as my entire trip was ending." I know that this is her real life and not some contrived plot, but why must a "journey to self-discovery" end with a husband? Seriously?
Sorry, just needed to say that. Anyway. How to Be Alone. I purchased my (autographed) copy for a dollar when my school bookstore was switching companies and cleaning out everything. Franzen read at my school my freshman year, and now that I'm (finally) flipping through one of his books, I'm trying desperately to remember the details of his visit. I remember sitting in the back of a large auditorium (granted, at a small school like mine, "large" is a relative term) and listening to him read from some unpublished work about bird watching. He apparently misnamed a bird and felt awkward about it and kept rambling about "I knew it was really this... I just said this by accident" to the strangers surrounding him during this error. I knew nothing of Franzen at the time, but since I was a darling naive freshman I went to basically every reading offered that first semester. During the Q&A session, I remember my theater professor commenting that Franzen was editing his work while he read, and of course someone asked about his Oprah issues. To be honest, he didn't make that much of an impression on me, which is probably why it took me four years to pick up one of his books. Now that I'm reading it, however, I'm assimilating everything I remember from that day into my schema of Franzen as, well, kind of a jerk. I'm really enjoying the essays (especially the ones about Alzheimer's and the postal service), but if Franzen came back into town and offered to take me out to dinner, I probably wouldn't go. Well, maybe I would. A girl's gotta eat, right?
So with January 7th marking my first deadline, I am ahead of the game. Odds are I will find a new book tomorrow and begin filling my door with fabulous neon titles.
Fortunately, right below "find a totally awesome job," I have written "read a book a week" on my list of goals. And that is going splendidly. Not only have I finished Eat Pray Love, but I am more than halfway through How to Be Alone, a book of essays by Jonathan Franzen.
Final verdict on EPL? A good book to start the new year. Originally I was annoyed by Liz. Admittedly, she was going through some rough times, but part of me wanted to scream "Snap out of it!" every time she got mopey about her relationships. (Just because you love someone doesn't preclude them from falling into the "rebound" category.) I thought the structure of the book was interesting (109 mini chapters to represent Indian prayer beads, or japa malas... sorry, I just typed out that explanation and realized that everyone on the planet has read this book already), but the "beads" got repetitive. Quickly. Along the way I realized that I didn't dislike Liz (although "like" would be too strong a word), but then the ending... *spoiler alert* I'm sorry, but do not make me read 300 pages of this amazing adventure that you had just to end it with "and then I fell in love with this awesome Brazilian right as my entire trip was ending." I know that this is her real life and not some contrived plot, but why must a "journey to self-discovery" end with a husband? Seriously?
Sorry, just needed to say that. Anyway. How to Be Alone. I purchased my (autographed) copy for a dollar when my school bookstore was switching companies and cleaning out everything. Franzen read at my school my freshman year, and now that I'm (finally) flipping through one of his books, I'm trying desperately to remember the details of his visit. I remember sitting in the back of a large auditorium (granted, at a small school like mine, "large" is a relative term) and listening to him read from some unpublished work about bird watching. He apparently misnamed a bird and felt awkward about it and kept rambling about "I knew it was really this... I just said this by accident" to the strangers surrounding him during this error. I knew nothing of Franzen at the time, but since I was a darling naive freshman I went to basically every reading offered that first semester. During the Q&A session, I remember my theater professor commenting that Franzen was editing his work while he read, and of course someone asked about his Oprah issues. To be honest, he didn't make that much of an impression on me, which is probably why it took me four years to pick up one of his books. Now that I'm reading it, however, I'm assimilating everything I remember from that day into my schema of Franzen as, well, kind of a jerk. I'm really enjoying the essays (especially the ones about Alzheimer's and the postal service), but if Franzen came back into town and offered to take me out to dinner, I probably wouldn't go. Well, maybe I would. A girl's gotta eat, right?
So with January 7th marking my first deadline, I am ahead of the game. Odds are I will find a new book tomorrow and begin filling my door with fabulous neon titles.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
How to fill your time while unemployed
Today, my roommate (We've switched from "suitemate" or "housemate" because we're no longer in college, and in the real world people use "roommate" to describe those they share a living space with, regardless of the actual arrangement. Unless of course we start dating, in which case she becomes my "live-in lover" or something equally certain to shock my parents.) sent me this link: http://inoveryourhead.net/how-to-read-a-book-a-week-in-2010/
Guess what my project for 2010 will be? I say project instead of resolution because, well, resolutions are lame and last about three days. This is a fun exercise I'd like to try because, as much as I love books, I am often a capricious rather than voracious reader. I go through spurts where I read twelve books in a row without surfacing for air, and then a month might go by and I haven't even touched a trashy magazine. So this could be a good way to keep a steady pace and savor my literary selections.
My concern about the project is the same one that plagues me when I borrow books from the library: how the deadline affects my attitude towards reading. When I read something that has to be returned in two weeks, I sometimes forget that I chose the book and instead feel like I have to get through it before the time elapses and mysterious library ninjas pry it from my fingers mid-sentence. Even when I'm enjoying a novel, I still find myself flipping through to see how many pages are left. (I do the same thing during movies. I love movies, but you will inevitably see me check my watch a dozen times in a theater.) The difficulty will be knowing I need to read x pages a day to finish a book, but still reading enthusiastically. I do have an exciting way to stay motivated and track my progress. Gold stars? Please, those are for amateurs. The back of my bedroom door is covered with chalkboard paint, so every time I finish a book I'm writing the title on the door with my fabulous neon chalk. It will look so awesome by the end of the year! I do recognize that this will only motivate me to plow through books, but... well, I really want an awesome door.
This week's book is Eat Pray Love. I'm halfway through, but still not sure how I feel about it. I'll keep you posted.
Guess what my project for 2010 will be? I say project instead of resolution because, well, resolutions are lame and last about three days. This is a fun exercise I'd like to try because, as much as I love books, I am often a capricious rather than voracious reader. I go through spurts where I read twelve books in a row without surfacing for air, and then a month might go by and I haven't even touched a trashy magazine. So this could be a good way to keep a steady pace and savor my literary selections.
My concern about the project is the same one that plagues me when I borrow books from the library: how the deadline affects my attitude towards reading. When I read something that has to be returned in two weeks, I sometimes forget that I chose the book and instead feel like I have to get through it before the time elapses and mysterious library ninjas pry it from my fingers mid-sentence. Even when I'm enjoying a novel, I still find myself flipping through to see how many pages are left. (I do the same thing during movies. I love movies, but you will inevitably see me check my watch a dozen times in a theater.) The difficulty will be knowing I need to read x pages a day to finish a book, but still reading enthusiastically. I do have an exciting way to stay motivated and track my progress. Gold stars? Please, those are for amateurs. The back of my bedroom door is covered with chalkboard paint, so every time I finish a book I'm writing the title on the door with my fabulous neon chalk. It will look so awesome by the end of the year! I do recognize that this will only motivate me to plow through books, but... well, I really want an awesome door.
This week's book is Eat Pray Love. I'm halfway through, but still not sure how I feel about it. I'll keep you posted.
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