Bureaucratic Jitters

This is ridiculous. Tomorrow is my first day of work, but I'm feeling like it's my first day of high school. Obsessing over my outfit? Check. Wondering what my authority figures will be like? Check. Worrying about catching the bus on time? Actually, that one is a false parallel... I didn't take the bus in high school, and I decided to drive in tomorrow so I can really see what kind of bus stops are closest to work. (FYI, Pittsburgh Port Authority... your website sucks.)

I just typed out "I have no idea why I'm so nervous" and then deleted it. Of course I'm nervous. This isn't like my first day at retail job [which will hereafter be known as retail job from hell]; I'm actually (hopefully) going to be at this company for a while. At least until grad school, whenever that happens. This is the first job I've ever had that has a sense of permanence attached to it. This is the first job I've ever had that has a sense of "Oh god, I need to pay rent" attached to it. This is me entering the world of grown-up bureaucrats.

And, to top it all off, the boyfriend is visiting next weekend. The great thing about long-distance relationships is that you really savor the time you have together. The terrible thing about long-distance relationships (mostly for the people living with the participants of said relationship) is that every time you see each other it almost becomes an event, and thus creates some stress in the midst of anticipation. So even though I'm obviously very excited to see him, it's sort of one more thing going on this week that I have to think about. Yeah... I realize that I sound like the world's worst girlfriend for saying that. But until his arrival on Friday, I'm just going to focus on not being the world's worst grown-up bureaucrat.