Thursday, November 3, 2011

Live Blogging "Bad Teacher" (sort of)

10:21 p.m. Opening credits! How adorable! Children! Cafeteria ladies! I love this song! What is it? It's catchy!

10:22 p.m. Ooh, live action now! Champagne in a teacher's lounge? Really? Oh, hey, Phyllis! And the guidance counselor from Freaks and Geeks!

10:23 p.m. I like Cammy's yellow dress. This is a completely unrealistic party. Champagne for one teacher who was there for one year? Yeah right.

10:24 p.m. We're watching the unrated version... I wonder what the differences are.

10:25 p.m. Um. I don't really like Cameron Diaz. At all. Why did I not realize it before now?

10:25 p.m. Where is this actor from? Why does he look familiar?

10:26 p.m. Not actually a lot about teaching right now. Just saying.

10:27 p.m. Wait: am I supposed to dislike the character named Squirrel? Because that is nearly impossible. You name a kid Squirrel, you have my eternal love. 

10:28 p.m. I heart Phyllis so much. Like, really. The jewelry. The love of corn. Etc.

10:30 p.m. Okay, the song is Teacher Teacher by Rockpile. Check it out.

10:31 p.m. So I'm hoping to feel like not the worst teacher in the world after this movie. I'm going to need to start feeling reverse-inspired really soon.

10:32 p.m. Thanks, Ms. Squirrel! No one actually does that. But wow I need to buy a captain's hat and megaphone.

10:33 p.m. Hungover in school. Nope, never done/seen that before. Ever. 

10:33 p.m. My roommate tells me not to be hypercritical of this movie because it is "a tapestry of truth" about "real people living their lives." The words "look into the future" also came up.

10:34 p.m. Stand and Deliver! Solid!

10:35 p.m. There's Jason Segal!

10:35 p.m. Okay, I'm already getting tired of this live blogging thing. Rein in it, Allison. 

10:36 p.m. Teachers eating in the cafeteria? Roommate's "tapestry of truth" theory is disproven.

10:38 p.m. Oh, hey boobs. Unrated?

10:39 p.m. Another Freaks and Geeks alum! Is Judd Apatow behind this somehow?

10:41 p.m. Look how inspired those students are! Preach, Morgan Freeman! Preach!

10:43 p.m. How does one get away with showing movies all week. No, really. How? Please email me advice.

10:44 p.m. One reason to never work in a high school: Car washes. Also: teenage boys.

10:46 p.m. I'm sorry, this is a middle school?! That explains why the kids look so small. But holy cow.

10:48 p.m. You can tell this is a classy movie: it took nearly 20 minutes before someone pooped audibly.

10:49 p.m. And we meet the antagonist: "Gay" standardized tests! I love a good vs. evil plotline!

10:51 p.m. So... Was Justin Timberlake drunk for the entire production? He must have been. It seems like he's in pain every time he says a line.

10:52 p.m. What is with the Jewish jokes? 

10:54 p.m. Okay, what is that Jodie Foster movie. Anyone? Anyone? 

10:56 p.m. "See, that's what I'm talking about. You keep talking like that, you're going to get punched." 

10:59 p.m. I love everything about Jason Segal. But especially when he yells at little kids. 

11:00 p.m. How many of my teachers have gotten high in school? Oh, Cammy, you're introducing me to a brand new world.

11:05 p.m. Christmas with a kid's family! I know what that's like... once I ate Panera one table away from a kid I taught. (It was kind of awkward.)

11:08 p.m. "Yeah, from the world's weirdest textbook."

11:10 p.m. Wow. Why doesn't Justin Timberlake sing in all his movies?! Good thing the director thought of this.

11:11 p.m. Make a wish! Just as Cammy is learning about the bonus for standardized test scores. 

11:12 p.m. Cammy just pointed at a kid and said, "Get out" and all of them shut up immediately. Do kids listen to hot teachers? I might need to think about this.

11:12 p.m. "Focus. You know this shit, come on!" I say that ten times a day.

11:17 p.m. Cammy's comments on papers: "Stupid!" "Misspelled!" "Are you f%cking kidding me?!" "This is how the Japs are overtaking us!" I have helped my mother grade papers. This is not that far off.

11:25 p.m. It is truly shocking how little this movie is actually about teaching. If you have seen the previews, you have likely seen all of the classroom scenes.

11:29 p.m. My roommate spills water for the second time in two hours. I suspect some sort of spasm disorder. 

11:32 p.m. Justin Timberlake hates slavery. Thank god!

11:36 p.m. That was definitely not a teaching moment. 

11:44 p.m. I want to rewatch this movie to see how much of it involves actual teacher-student interactions. Except that would mean I would have to rewatch this movie.

11:49 p.m. Those drug dogs were on their way to a classroom and yet they didn't smell anything in the lockers? Really? I thought this was a public school.

11:53 p.m. Jason Segal went an entire school year without dating someone?! Poor Jason Segal.

11:54 p.m. Is it over yet?

11:55 p.m. Yay! She becomes the guidance counselor! (Spoiler alert!) 

I have never wanted a movie to be over more in my entire life. What I learned: 

  1. I hate Cameron Diaz
  2. I also hate Justin Timberlake outside of SNL
  3. Teaching is hard, I guess?
  4. If you meet a guy who doesn't mind your small boobs, then you save a ton of money.
So... Thanks for those lessons, I guess? I think I need to watch Stand and Deliver now...

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