I just don't even know who you are anymore

Today is the final day of a blissful 13 day respite. Tomorrow schools open again (maybe I'll score an assignment, maybe not) and my minimester begins. And then I will be going full-speed until May. 

The week before vacation was lovely. Well. The day before vacation was lovely. I was working with a kindergarten class I had been with before. I always lament that as a sub I don't get many chances to see the progress kids make throughout the year. I go to a classroom for the day, get a vague idea of what the kids are like, and then hope that everything works out for them if I don't get to see them again. But if I have a relationship with a school, then I can check in on kids every month or so. And in some ways, I think I appreciate the changes I see more than classroom teachers because to me they are so sudden and dramatic. 

Case in point: the last time I visited this kindergarten class was the beginning of October. There was a little girl whose family speaks primarily Russian (or some similar language), and this was her first time in an entirely English-speaking environment. The little girl speaks English very well, but the last time I saw her she would not speak to adults. You would hear her chatting with her friends during free time (she had no problems socializing with peers), but not a peep to any teachers or school staff. It was curious because she would raise her hand to answer questions and then... not answer them. She was engaged in the lessons, she just wouldn't speak. When I spoke with the teacher, she reported that the girl had met with the counselor and some other people, and the working theory was that the girl was a bit slower to process English and felt nervous about messing it up in front of authority figures. They figured that she would speak when she was ready, and they just went along with it since it didn't seem to impact anything else. The teacher still called on this girl when she raised her hand and would give a few seconds for the girl to answer, but the teacher knew that she would eventually have to move on to another classmate.

When I stepped into the classroom last week, the girl regarded me warily at first; this is typical of kindergarteners who are with an unfamiliar adult. For the first part of the day, it was the same as October: she hugged me, she held my hand, but she didn't speak to me. When I needed to speak to her directly, I knew to ask questions in a way she could answer by nodding or shaking her head. So when I asked, "Are you buying lunch today?" I was surprised that she responded, "No, I brought my lunch." For the record, it is the most difficult thing in the world to not cheer or overreact when a milestone like that happens, but I knew that would freak her out and make her clam up for the rest of the day. So I responded neutrally, and next thing you know the kid is spending the afternoon by my side, chattering away. There were actually a few times when I had to say, "I love talking to you, but I need you to go to centers now, okay?" I don't know when she made this turning point of speaking, but I was so proud of her and desperately wished her teacher were in the building that day so I could talk to her about it. 

I also had a snippet of a conversation with one of the boys involved in a previous incident. A simple, "How are things going?" and he immediately lit up and told me, "Good! I'm getting better grades now." Um, heart bursting with pride. We constantly discuss in my program that whenever a kid shares information with you unprompted, it is a big deal to that kid and should be paid attention to. This kid could have responded, "Good" and then walked away, but he took pride in what he was accomplishing at school. I get the sense (even during my two day stint in his classroom) that this is a kid who doesn't feel like he gets a lot of credit for his improvements. It could be because, even though he is a good kid, he's not one of those super quiet obedient types that teachers automatically peg as trying really hard. So I tried to make a big deal over it, and I'm excited to go see him in the classroom again to see if I notice any changes. (I only had him for gym class that day, and it's hard to notice anything when you spend a solid 30 minutes praying no one gets seriously injured.)

I am eternally grateful that my few days before vacation went so well; I'm hoping it will make it easier to go back tomorrow. (I know I know... there's no way I'm looking forward to waking up early again.) Today is devoted to reading three chapters about alcoholism before my class tomorrow night. Fun stuff, right?

Bibliotherapy

This weekend I visited one of my favorite places in the world. (Right behind Phipps, Ikea, and any sunlit park path.) Scholastic opens its warehouses occasionally so teachers can purchase all of their leftover books at half price. Technically I am a teacher. And technically my sister is, too. So we went. 

I wanted to stock up on books for my future counseling career. Bibliotherapy is a popular technique where you--forgive me if it seems obvious, but I would be remiss to gloss over a brief explanation--give a client a book that will help him/her explore his/her problem. If a child is having trouble fitting in, give them a book about a character who feels the same way and then ask them to talk about it. What about the character did you relate to? How did it make you feel when the character did ____? What did _____ remind you of? Sometimes it's easier to talk about an issue if you're thinking about it in terms of the character instead of yourself. (At least that's what my friend... Jenny... says. I wouldn't know, personally.) Also, school counselors do part of their work in the classroom setting, and I look forward to reading lots of books to kindergarteners. Like, all the time. 

So after 2+ hours circling around this warehouse, I had easily over $100 worth of discount books. And then my sister supervised me on the painful task of putting most of the books back. I wound up with some great finds on topics ranging from friendship to catastrophizing thoughts to racial tension to career development to gangs to gender norms to feeling homesick at school. And some Christmas gifts for my niece. And some posters for my future office. I may have gotten carried away. But it turns out that my premature shopping trip was useful for more than future supplies. The entire time I was thinking about what books might help my clients, but I realized that I was also defining my role as a counselor. The books I selected helped me paint a picture of the professional I'd like to be: the issues I am interested in, the theories and techniques I relate to, the age levels I connect with. So yes, I prepared for the future this weekend. But I also learned a lot about how to prepare myself for that future. 

Also, if anyone comes across a non-disgusting kid version of a "Would You Rather?" game, let me know! I think it would be a great tool for choice therapy, but I really don't want to spend that much time asking six-year-olds, "Boogers or barf?"  

They all look the same to me

After a while in elementary schools, you learn that kids speak their own language. "I like your dress" becomes "You look like a princess!" while "I dropped my pencil on the floor and don't feel like looking for it" becomes "Someone stole my pencil from my desk!" If you spend enough time among the natives you learn the key phrases to get you through the day. However, it is nearly impossible to "go native" because the locals are so wary of outsiders. Do they enjoy having some new faces to talk to at recess? Sure. But they will never accept you as one of them.

I learned this after months of being told, "Are you related to Mrs. (insert name of whoever I'm covering that day)? You look just like her!" I hear this almost every time I sub for a female teacher. Please note that almost every teacher has photos in their classroom. I can see what the teachers actually look like. Except for some chromosomal similarities, there is rarely a resemblance. But as far as kids are concerned, two grown up women with long hair may as well be long-lost twins. So there you have it: the outgroup homogeneity effect isn't just for racism anymore! It's also vogue among ageist prepubescents who really want to make smalltalk with substitutes. As long as I don't get compared to a hunchback, I suppose I'm okay with it. 

I do still need translations for a few phrases, though; could anyone tell me how to say "Please be quiet while I'm giving directions" in kidspeak?

Thanksgiving

Fear not, gentle readers, I haven't forgotten you. I keep starting blog posts and then getting distracted. Then when I go back to finish the posts, I realize I no longer care about the topic anyway. What can I say? I'm a capricious creature. 

The holiday season is upon us, which means two things: 1. Lots of time off from school; 2. Lots of life assessment taking place. The time off from school is nice but also scary. Unlike normal school staff, I don't get PTO; if I don't work, I don't make money. I had a second job to cover my bases, but that is no longer the case. So if anyone wants to pay me to do just about anything between December 23rd and January 2nd, let me know! You have a kid? I can totally watch it for you. You have plants? I can water them. You have a multimillion dollar industry? I can probably answer phones. Call me! No? Well, I guess that leaves even more time for the life assessment thing. 

Last year around this time I was in a state of panic. I was leaving a job I detested (yay!), but it was still unclear exactly what I left it for. I moved in with my parents, intended on starting at GWU in January, and was anxiously searching for a job. I no longer had my roommate/heterosexual-life-partner with me, which made things boring and even more stressful. I was in a relationship that was difficult and exhausting, but (oh dear god I cringe to think about it now) I was with someone I kind of thought I would marry someday. Fast forward twelve months: I am living with my roommate/HLP again in a new city, I have a new (beloved) job, I'm studying something I'm passionate about (at a school that is half the price of GWU), I'm happily single, and I even have a new dog (well, he's mine when HLP is not around). My childhood car is kaput, my childhood cat is roaming around a kitty palace in the sky, and my childhood bedroom is now a playroom for my niece. I wouldn't go so far to say that my life is unrecognizable to any time-traveling onlookers from last year, but for the first time since I graduated college I feel like my life is gaining some momentum. It's a lot easier to enjoy being broke and in your 20's when you get the sense that it's a temporary state. (If this isn't a temporary state, please don't ruin the illusion for me.) 

Why am I posting this? Rereading it sounds kind of braggy, and I really don't mean it that way. I guess I just wanted to take a minute to be grateful for the amazing things in my life right now. My life is not in perfect equilibrium (is equilibrium even possible?), but I suppose I wanted to send the universe my gratitude for the positive things it has given me this year. (*insert cheesy quote about chaos and opportunity being the same word*) The chaos actually led to amazing things. Even if my current plans don't work out as expected, I am excited to see what happens from here. And I appreciate everyone who has patiently supported me in all of this; I know I am a total pill when I am stressed, so I want to thank you for being a source of advice, jokes, and booze. Happy belated Thanksgiving, everyone. You can probably expect another corny life assessment in a few weeks when I inevitably watch It's A Wonderful Life with the company of some chardonnay.  

Even In Australia

I'm back! I'm back! I'm really, truly back!

The past couple of weeks I have been feeling less-than-stellar at school. I don't really know what it was... I could attribute it to bad days with the kids, but I suspect that some of those bad days were a result of my blahs rather than the cause. It was starting to wear on me in an existential way. There was a serious downward spiral. I was reconsidering my suitability for my current job, my long-term career goals, and my general existence. So what changed? Um. I actually have no idea. But today was nice. I was a media specialist (my second masters degree is totally going to be in library science) and I thoroughly enjoyed my time with my classes. (I also read the cutest book in the world! Do yourself a favor and check out "The Hello, Goodbye Window" by Norton Juster and illustrated by Chris Raschka. It won the Caldecott Medal and the Warming Allison's Heart Medal.) So no worries, faithful readers! This will not revert to a whiny "I don't know what I want to do with my life" blog. I remain firmly on my current path, while kicking myself for forgetting the wisest words of all: "My mom says some days are like that...."

Live Blogging "Bad Teacher" (sort of)

10:21 p.m. Opening credits! How adorable! Children! Cafeteria ladies! I love this song! What is it? It's catchy!

10:22 p.m. Ooh, live action now! Champagne in a teacher's lounge? Really? Oh, hey, Phyllis! And the guidance counselor from Freaks and Geeks!

10:23 p.m. I like Cammy's yellow dress. This is a completely unrealistic party. Champagne for one teacher who was there for one year? Yeah right.

10:24 p.m. We're watching the unrated version... I wonder what the differences are.

10:25 p.m. Um. I don't really like Cameron Diaz. At all. Why did I not realize it before now?

10:25 p.m. Where is this actor from? Why does he look familiar?

10:26 p.m. Not actually a lot about teaching right now. Just saying.

10:27 p.m. Wait: am I supposed to dislike the character named Squirrel? Because that is nearly impossible. You name a kid Squirrel, you have my eternal love. 

10:28 p.m. I heart Phyllis so much. Like, really. The jewelry. The love of corn. Etc.

10:30 p.m. Okay, the song is Teacher Teacher by Rockpile. Check it out.

10:31 p.m. So I'm hoping to feel like not the worst teacher in the world after this movie. I'm going to need to start feeling reverse-inspired really soon.

10:32 p.m. Thanks, Ms. Squirrel! No one actually does that. But wow I need to buy a captain's hat and megaphone.

10:33 p.m. Hungover in school. Nope, never done/seen that before. Ever. 

10:33 p.m. My roommate tells me not to be hypercritical of this movie because it is "a tapestry of truth" about "real people living their lives." The words "look into the future" also came up.

10:34 p.m. Stand and Deliver! Solid!

10:35 p.m. There's Jason Segal!

10:35 p.m. Okay, I'm already getting tired of this live blogging thing. Rein in it, Allison. 

10:36 p.m. Teachers eating in the cafeteria? Roommate's "tapestry of truth" theory is disproven.

10:38 p.m. Oh, hey boobs. Unrated?

10:39 p.m. Another Freaks and Geeks alum! Is Judd Apatow behind this somehow?

10:41 p.m. Look how inspired those students are! Preach, Morgan Freeman! Preach!

10:43 p.m. How does one get away with showing movies all week. No, really. How? Please email me advice.

10:44 p.m. One reason to never work in a high school: Car washes. Also: teenage boys.

10:46 p.m. I'm sorry, this is a middle school?! That explains why the kids look so small. But holy cow.

10:48 p.m. You can tell this is a classy movie: it took nearly 20 minutes before someone pooped audibly.

10:49 p.m. And we meet the antagonist: "Gay" standardized tests! I love a good vs. evil plotline!

10:51 p.m. So... Was Justin Timberlake drunk for the entire production? He must have been. It seems like he's in pain every time he says a line.

10:52 p.m. What is with the Jewish jokes? 

10:54 p.m. Okay, what is that Jodie Foster movie. Anyone? Anyone? 

10:56 p.m. "See, that's what I'm talking about. You keep talking like that, you're going to get punched." 

10:59 p.m. I love everything about Jason Segal. But especially when he yells at little kids. 

11:00 p.m. How many of my teachers have gotten high in school? Oh, Cammy, you're introducing me to a brand new world.

11:05 p.m. Christmas with a kid's family! I know what that's like... once I ate Panera one table away from a kid I taught. (It was kind of awkward.)

11:08 p.m. "Yeah, from the world's weirdest textbook."

11:10 p.m. Wow. Why doesn't Justin Timberlake sing in all his movies?! Good thing the director thought of this.

11:11 p.m. Make a wish! Just as Cammy is learning about the bonus for standardized test scores. 

11:12 p.m. Cammy just pointed at a kid and said, "Get out" and all of them shut up immediately. Do kids listen to hot teachers? I might need to think about this.

11:12 p.m. "Focus. You know this shit, come on!" I say that ten times a day.

11:17 p.m. Cammy's comments on papers: "Stupid!" "Misspelled!" "Are you f%cking kidding me?!" "This is how the Japs are overtaking us!" I have helped my mother grade papers. This is not that far off.

11:25 p.m. It is truly shocking how little this movie is actually about teaching. If you have seen the previews, you have likely seen all of the classroom scenes.

11:29 p.m. My roommate spills water for the second time in two hours. I suspect some sort of spasm disorder. 

11:32 p.m. Justin Timberlake hates slavery. Thank god!

11:36 p.m. That was definitely not a teaching moment. 

11:44 p.m. I want to rewatch this movie to see how much of it involves actual teacher-student interactions. Except that would mean I would have to rewatch this movie.

11:49 p.m. Those drug dogs were on their way to a classroom and yet they didn't smell anything in the lockers? Really? I thought this was a public school.

11:53 p.m. Jason Segal went an entire school year without dating someone?! Poor Jason Segal.

11:54 p.m. Is it over yet?

11:55 p.m. Yay! She becomes the guidance counselor! (Spoiler alert!) 

I have never wanted a movie to be over more in my entire life. What I learned: 

1. I hate Cameron Diaz
2. I also hate Justin Timberlake outside of SNL
3. Teaching is hard, I guess?
4. If you meet a guy who doesn't mind your small boobs, then you save a ton of money.

So... Thanks for those lessons, I guess? I think I need to watch Stand and Deliver now...

Mama Drama

Remember my excitement about returning to elementary school this week? Let's recap the last two days:

• Two 8-year-olds passed notes that included the words "I want to kill her" and "She's a dumb b!tch." 
• I managed to remain somewhat professional by not yelling, "What the f&ck is wrong with you?! You're 8 years old!"
• Aforementioned 8-year-olds were referred to the office and notes were sent home.
• Mother of the 8-year-old who was most likely the author of the "dumb b!tch" comment wrote back saying that it wasn't her son and that she only signed the note so we know she received it. But clearly we/I were/was wrong.
•  The mother of said 8-year-old listed the following as evidence:
1. He said he didn't do it
2. She's never heard him use profanity
3. He doesn't even know how to spell those words

Needless to say, I have gained new respect for teachers who must deal with this every day. The kid did a much better job today--they both did--so I was happy with that, but a part of me was completely depressed by how willing a parent was to make excuses for a child when the evidence was clearly there. Please don't misunderstand me: this is not my first encounter with a parent like this, and I'm not surprised by their existence. But the fact that they do exist, and the fact that I can do nothing about it is beyond frustrating. Everyone says that these helicopter parents are a recent development from the Homeland Generation, but I'm not so sure. Based solely on my viewing of The Conspirator, I infer that parents have been defying logic and sheltering their children for a long time. Although I'm guessing that John Surratt didn't take his mother's sheltering as absolution from his crimes against everyone's favorite person. Maybe?